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I have trouble trusting men (no offense to any guys here) 
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Post I have trouble trusting men (no offense to any guys here)
SmallTownIngenue's thread on love got me thinking about this. I'm afraid of relationships because I have trouble trusting men. It's kind of silly, because no man has ever done anything bad to me, but I've just seen and read so much that makes me afraid.

They supposedly cheat 10% more often than women (and based on reports I've heard it seems more like 90%). I've heard it said that "women love with their hearts, minds and bodies - men can easily just love with their bodies." The "abandoned woman" is such a huge archetype of literature, theatre and mythology- for it to always work so well I think it must be common in real life. In every story I've heard, if a woman cheats it's because she's deeply unhappy; if a man cheats it's because he's a jerk. 75% of sexual predators are male. The vast majority of sociopaths are male. They're reportedly more likely to abandon their kids; you hear about "deadbeat dads" all the time, but not "deadbeat moms." They're more physically violent. They're more likely to commit murder. They're supposedly much more sexually jealous than woman. They're less likely to forgive cheating. Women have spent the last century fighting for equal rights with them, which makes me worry that it's their natural instinct to want to control us. And why do so many women have fantasies about finding a bad boy and changing him, as reflected by so many chick flicks? (I don't have those fantasies, but even my mom does sometimes.) Is there a biological reason for it because more men need changing?

Like I said, no offense to any guys here. I really don't want to be a man basher and I try not to be. I tell myself that they're human too, and that whether it always shows or not, they have feelings too. I remind myself of other statistics I've learned: that they're much more often the victims of violence and murder than women, that they commit suicide more often, that they're more likely to commit suicide if their spouse dies, etc. I know my fears aren't even totally rational, because I know plenty of nice guys- only a few of the men I know support my fears at all. My dad blames himself for my mistrust, because he has a temper and sometimes tends to be hard on my mom (not abusive, just very moody), but I don't blame him. He's the most loving and fun dad I could ever ask for.

Could anyone help me here? I really want to be able to trust the other half of the human race, and when I'm ready, be able to have a relationship without too much fear. As it is, I sometimes wish I were a lesbian, which I don't think it really healthy for a straight girl to wish. Is there any way that I can teach myself to trust more?


Sun Aug 16, 2009 8:56 am
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Post Re: I have trouble trusting men (no offense to any guys here
Vanessa20 wrote:
They supposedly cheat 10% more often than women (and based on reports I've heard it seems more like 90%).

Strikes me as funny because with whom are the men cheating? Must be a few girls with a lot of boyfriends.

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I've heard it said that "women love with their hearts, minds and bodies - men can easily just love with their bodies."

Can't speak for women but as a male...yes.

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The "abandoned woman" is such a huge archetype of literature, theatre and mythology- for it to always work so well I think it must be common in real life.

That might be the result of a male dominated culture. I dunno, not sure. But in the past the unmarried woman was sort of a mark of shame, eg. "Old Maid". For guys, I guess people whispered "He must be queer". I think we're beyond that now.

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In every story I've heard, if a woman cheats it's because she's deeply unhappy; if a man cheats it's because he's a jerk.

Can't answer for women although from what I've heard that seems to be generally true. Guys being jerks...maybe. It also could be the wife/girl is not meeting a need. For both male and female, there is an element of excitement in cheating.

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75% of sexual predators are male.

I'm surprised it's not higher. But this seeming rash of females teachers having sex with their students seems odd.

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The vast majority of sociopaths are male.

Maybe it's just that males are more likely to choose violence. Women do it another way.

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They're reportedly more likely to abandon their kids; you hear about "deadbeat dads" all the time, but not "deadbeat moms."

I guess males don't feel as attached to kids as women do. After giving birth, women put so much of their times into the child that men feel abandoned themselves.

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They're more physically violent. They're more likely to commit murder.

Yeah, men have more testosterone and are stronger. Wars, even today, involve mostly men.

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They're supposedly much more sexually jealous than woman.

Not sure what you mean by "sexually jealous". I think women can exhibit more jealous behavior.

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They're less likely to forgive cheating. Women have spent the last century fighting for equal rights with them, which makes me worry that it's their natural instinct to want to control us. And why do so many women have fantasies about finding a bad boy and changing him, as reflected by so many chick flicks? (I don't have those fantasies, but even my mom does sometimes.) Is there a biological reason for it because more men need changing?

Yeah, women tend to suck up a cheating male more than men forgive the cheating female. Explaining that can get complicated. In general, guys pursue, or hunt, the female and when he's "got the girl", I guess he has a sense of possessing her. I think it also has to do with a guy's pride.

Quote:
Like I said, no offense to any guys here. I really don't want to be a man basher and I try not to be. I tell myself that they're human too, and that whether it always shows or not, they have feelings too. I remind myself of other statistics I've learned: that they're much more often the victims of violence and murder than women, that they commit suicide more often, that they're more likely to commit suicide if their spouse dies, etc. I know my fears aren't even totally rational, because I know plenty of nice guys- only a few of the men I know support my fears at all. My dad blames himself for my mistrust, because he has a temper and sometimes tends to be hard on my mom (not abusive, just very moody), but I don't blame him. He's the most loving and fun dad I could ever ask for.

What can I say? Us guys are f'ed up. :P Being the physically stronger sex gives the male an advantage and we often turned to our strengths to meet some difficulty.

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Last edited by Pounce on Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:31 am, edited 3 times in total.



Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:15 am
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WOW #-o

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Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:15 am
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Woo, misandry.


Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:22 am
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If it's any consolation, I don't entirely trust women. Why? Because I'm male, so you and I have different manners of thinking. Simple biology. Neither sex is any 'better' than the other, we're just different. You women can list all kinds of things about us, yet there's also loads of things about women that men tend to be wary of.


Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:23 am
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Straight girls just make me laugh because they bitch about straight men all day.

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Sun Aug 16, 2009 11:04 am
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Don't trust men? That's ok...I don't either.

Me<---straight guy

Not that I trust many women either.

Oh wait. You're speaking sexually...

:?


Sun Aug 16, 2009 11:59 am
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Simple fact is you can't trust anybody. If you find someone you can, stay with them!

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Sun Aug 16, 2009 12:50 pm
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If you are 18 or over, try eharmony. Supposedly that'll give you a psychological match.

Let's see if that triggers their banner ad. :mrgreen:

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Sun Aug 16, 2009 1:50 pm
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Pounce wrote:
If you are 18 or over, try eharmony. Supposedly that'll give you a psychological match.

Let's see if that triggers their banner ad. :mrgreen:


Yes, it did! lol

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Sun Aug 16, 2009 4:52 pm
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And you get 20% off on a 6 month membership!!!

Anyway, men are whores. Whore, whore, whorrrrrrrrres. If only women were whores too, then this world would be a better place. :twisted:

[/kidding]

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Sun Aug 16, 2009 4:57 pm
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The problem is, that even though 75% of sexual predators may be male, how many sexual predators do you think there are?

It's unlikely you'll fall for a 'sexual predator', and if you're assertive and aware I guess you can control for 'dead-beats', and anger/violence etc...

If putting things in perspective won't help, I think you should get 'professional help'.


Sun Aug 16, 2009 5:10 pm
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