[ChrisFitzpatrick]

I'm in a production of Meet Me in Saint Louis where I'm John Truit. I have to kiss Esther during the show and my girlfriend isn't so happy with it. The director wants a kiss, not a stage kiss. I've told her it's not Chris kissing her, it's John Truitt kissing Esther.

She knows I have to do it, but she's all upset about it and doesn't even want to go to the show now.

What can I say to make her feel better about it?

[Salome]

Tell her to grow up and live with it.

[PappyCat]

Just explain that you understand that she is upset, but that it's something that happens in theatre and theatre is a big part of your life. Tell her that she is also a big part of your life and you really want those two parts of your life to co-exist.

[Salome]

..or just tell her to grow up.

[blue wind]

salome you can be really mean sometimes. not everybody is as confident as you.

but i do think she will get over it. take her out to a nice dinner or something.

[Salome]

I'm not being mean. I just cant stand people actingl ike idiots over a kiss on stage. its theatre!!!

[AllThatJazzHands]

Just help her understand that there is nothing going on between you and the girl playing Esther. It's no different than film actors who are married/dating and kissing other actors who are married/dating someone else.

[Annie]

I'm doing a Restoration comedy right now, in which there are loads of make-out sessions, simulated rape attempts (for laughs....*sigh*), and endless groping. A bunch of my girlfriends are having serious trouble with their guys on the subject, and I just think it's ridiculous. We get into talks and arguments about it all the time.

One of my bests came in to the theatre yesterday before the show in tears. Her boyfriend had given her a hard time all morning about what she has to do in the show. She's playing the ingenue lover girl and has to be all over her love interest. She said that she had told her boyfriend when she got cast that the actor playing her fiance in the show is gay, which apparently made him feel better at the time. However, it seems he "doesn't remember" her saying this, and was apparently being a stand-offish jerk the night after he saw the show. I just felt so horrible for her. She's doing her job!! And the guy is gay!! Not to mention AN ACTOR, first and foremost.
I was really upset hearing this story and told her (in our dressing room with 2 other girls who were both in the room and both have serious boyfriends) that he had no right to make her feel bad and she had no reason to apologize for anything. It is his responsibility to understand the fact that this is A PLAY and they are ACTING. It is NOT her responsibility to limit herself (we're not talking blowing a director for a role here - pardon the vulgarity, we're talking about stage kissing and comical groping) onstage, thereby compromising the play, just so that he won't be jealous of A CHARACTER ONSTAGE, while sitting in the audience.
Another girl in the dressing room, and one of my closest friends, chimed in at this time, with an air of "Annie-couldn't-possibly-understand-because-she's-single" that I had to look at it from a boyfriend's point of view - they're seeing their girlfriend kissing someone else, bottom line, and that they don't factor in anything else. She also said that a boyfriend who is not an actor must have a harder time putting it in perspective and can't be expected to understand. I, however, can't imagine that this is a very difficult concept to grasp, and I'm quite sure that the fact that I've been in theatre for most of my life has affected my ability to see that. Kinda common sense, no? I had to add that it is a jealous boyfriend's responsibility, given this, to be mature enough to understand the fact that we are actors and it is a play. Also, he has no right to make his girlfriend feel badly and should keep any jealousy to himself, being wise enough to acknowledge that the feelings are natural, but without foundation, and knowing that to bring them up in a persistent, petulant way would be selfish and only cause more problems.

Sorry for the rant. I essentially reiterate what Salome wrote, in many more words! haha. I seriously don't think that any girlfriend has the right to be so immature in not understanding how this works that she would guilt-trip you about it and cause such a stink. Seriously. Grow up.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. What a bummer. I hope it smooths over. I'd say, just try to explain again to the best of your ability and hope that she clues in.

[Luc]

Salome, shut up. Help someone else out.


Chris, I pretty much agree with everyone (minus Salome) here. Explain to her that you are telling a story, and this is just a part of it. Make sure she knows that you wouldn't kiss her unless it was part of the show, and that if the relationship is going to work then she has to adjust to the theatre aspect of your life, and you have to do things on the stage that you normally wouldn't do in order for you to tell the story effectively.

[jesuiscommejesuis]

Shockingly, I actually agree with Salome. Tell her to grow up. Not going to the show because her boyfriend kisses somebody else? That's a little ridiculous.

[Salome]

[Quique]

Salome is absolutely right.

[Luc]

I agree with her to an extent. It IS something she will have to live with. But if Baker wanted a rough way to let her know, he could probably think of one all by himself. If he wanted to know a nice, polite way to say it, it might be trickier... which is why he turned to us.

[Quique]

Baker?

[Luc]

Oh, whoops. Chris... I don't know why I thought he was Baker.

[blue wind]

[MaryMag]

Honestly, she sounds lame. She's got jealousy issues; this won't be the last time she makes a fuss.

Don't settle. Find someone better.

[lakmé]

Tell her that you find her inability to trust you incredibly disappointing.

That, and she needs to get over it. This is part of the life if you want to be an actor. If she can't take THIS, she probs needs to never ever date another actor again.

[pish123c]

I agree with Salome.

[Beagle On Stage]

Sorry guys, I'm with Salome on this, too. This is just not something that's a big deal. I've never had it be an issue. And I'm probably forgetting my place by coming right out and saying this, but your girlfriend would be far too controlling and full of emotional baggage for me.

[Emilala]

[musictheatre00]

this actually sounds similar to Salome's predicament, being a couple with an actor onstage, and getting in trouble with his jealous real life girlfeiend....

Anyway, I agree with all the ideas, if she's really new to theatre and doesn't understand, then you should try to explain it to her in the most caring way possible, and make her feel important to you, but don't hold yourself back on stage because of it, and let her know that if she wants to stay with you, she is going to have to get over this, and simply put, if she never gets over it, then let her go, because the relationship is bound for shambles, and if she does learn to get it, then WOO HOO! You got a good girlfriend!

[mercurialasaka]

I gotta say I'm with the 'grow up' side here. Sure I've heard complaints from my friends who are in a serious relationship (one has been with this guy for four years) and have had to stage kiss someone else but the boyfriend or girlfriend always shows up to the performances. It weird them out a bit, but they all seem to get that this is part of theatre and don't make a fuss about it. The fact that she's threatening to not come and support you is so not nice on her part. I would tell her in as nice a way as possible 'this is what I love to do. In a lot of shows I will have to kiss other people, that's just a part of it all. It is not me, Chris, kissing whatever girl it is, it is my character kissing her character. If you can't understand that, then we need to have a serious talk'. I shudder to think what she would do if you were in a show where you had to lie in bed with someone or something even more intimate then a kiss!

[Beagle On Stage]

I don't think "It's not us kissing, it's our characters" is a good thing to say though. That could make her feel really patronised. She's aware that there's a distinction between the characters in the play and the real people playing them. We say this thing about it not being us, but the characters, because we are actors and we've all been there and done that and understand it. But it's a fact that Chris is pressing his lips against some other girl's and kissing them. He doesn't enter some alternate reality where he ceases to be himself, no matter how in character and in the moment he may be. That's what's bothering her. Whether or not she's able to understand why this is okay and will not hurt their relationship is her issue. But for the love of God, Chris, don't try telling her that it's not really you kissing this girl. She will not know what you mean, and it will be a one way ticket to pissed off land.

[ChrisFitzpatrick]

She's done theater before - she's had to kiss a guy in another show too. (Just a FYI)

[And so her problem with YOU doing this in YOUR show is....?
Really, this is daft.][Sorry guys, mod controls screwed up as well it seems today - this was supposed to be my comment quoting this post, not an edit of Chris' post! Mumsytype.]

[Luc]

[PappyCat]

For the record, if she DIDN'T do theatre, I think what most of you were saying (for her to grow up) was inappropriate. I DO agree that she needs to get over it, but it's totally legit to be uncomfortable with your significant other kissing someone else, even onstage, especially if you aren't a theatre person.

But yeah, if she understands the biz, than she's just being immature.

[MaryMag]

Lakme said it in a very classy way, and I agree with her.

But I've got to say this - you'll get as good a girlfriend as you put up with. If you stick with a girl who's got petty jealousy issues, then that's your own fault. That's the best you're gonna get. And maybe that's just the strength of character you have. Maybe you're one of those people that thinks jealousy is proof that your significant other loves you.

But that's dumb.

Marymag was hoping you weren't one of those dumb people, but if you are, what can I do. The world is full of dumb people. Getting together, procreating, and making more dumb people.

There are so many wonderful people in this world. But if you're busy with dumb folks, you'll miss the wonderful folks. And there are a lot of them! Believe this!

[Salome]

[curlyhairedsoprano91]

[mastachen]

Wass MaryMag mad at the world yesterday?

[Salome]

[MaryMag]

[MaryMag]

[LisaKitty]