[rcs]

Here is the place to rant about your favorite (read: worst/most annoying) examples of lyric censorship in movie musicals made under the Production Code (Feel free to include censored lyrics from school/community productions as well). I'm not talking about the usual, garden-variety substitutions of "darn" for "damn" and so on. I'm talking about the really creative rewritings of lyrics that take a phrase or two that would offend NOBODY today and transform it into...well...SOMETHING....

Here are a couple to start off:

Original lyric (from "I'll Never Be Jealous Again"--Pajama Game):

Then you see
A shirt and a tie and a pair of pants
In a nice, neat, little pile!

Censored lyric (film version):

Then you see
A hat and a tie and a pair of socks
In a nice, neat, little pile!



Original lyric (from "I Hate Men"--Kiss Me, Kate):

Avoid the trav'ling saleseman, though a tempting Tom he may be,
From China he will bring you jade, and perfume from Araby,
But don't forget, 'tis he who'll have the fun, and thee, the baby!
Oh, I hate men!

Censored lyric:

Avoid the trav'ling saleseman, though a tempting Tom he may be,
For on your wedding night he will be off in far Araby.
While he's away in Mandalay, 'tis thee who'll have the baby!
Oh, I hate men!

I'd love to hear your favorites! For each censored lyric, please give the name of the show, the song title, and both the original and censored versions of the lyric.

[mezzo_soprano]

La Vie Boheme from RENT
We raise our glass
you bet your a$$.

My sister's and I's silly version (We were in a REALLY strange mood)
We raise our muskox
you bet your buttocks

[BroadwayObssessed]

ACL Dance ten looks three
Tits and ass

ACL High school productions dance ten looks three
This and that

[arctic_orange]

Grease:

We made out, under the dock.

Grease: School Edition:

We told jokes, under the dock.

What??

[NoOneMournsTheWicked]

[Trevor reincarnate]

Another Grease change:

Original

You know it ain't know shit
I'll be getting lots of tit
In Greased Lightning

Changed

You know without a doubt
I'll be really making out
In Greased Lightning

[MusicalGal1194]

Original Grease Lyrics:

Tell me more, tell me more, did you get very far?
Tell me more, tell me more, like does he have a car?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tell me more, tell me more
Was it love at first sight?
Tell me more, tell me more
Did she put up a fight?



CJHS Show Choir Changed Lyrics (courtesy of me and my crazy friend):


Tell me more, tell me more, did you drive very far?
Tell me more, tell me more, like does he have a car?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tell me more, tell me more
Was it love at first sight?
Tell me more, tell me more
Did you fly a kite?



Ah, yes. The boys playing greasers even made hand motions as though they were flying a kite.

[AllThatJazzHands]

My (horrible) HS production of Grease

"Greased Lightning"
ORIGINAL LYRICS
You are supreme
The chicks'll cream
For Greased Lightnin'

OUR LYRICS
You are supreme
The chicks'll scream
For Greased Lightin'

ORIGINAL LYRICS
You know that I ain't braggin', she's a real [insert female hoo-ha slang here] wagon

OUR LYRICS
You know that I ain't braggin', she's a real shaggin' wagon

Well, at least we didn't have angry mothers out in the audience.

[Mungojerrie_rt]

Even oficial lyrics get changed.
From Cats-
Original:
With a frightful burst of fireworks the Chinks they swarmed aboard.

More pollitically correct:
With a frightful burst of fireworks the Siamese swarmed aboard.

[Salome]

Original lyric..Kiss Me Kate:
Since I reache the charming age of puberty
and began to finger fminine curls
like a show thats typically suberty
i have always had a multitude of girls

amended lyric:

when at first aawre of masculinity
and began to finger feminine curls
i became the toast of my vicinity




Original Lyric: "Silk Stockings"

if she's wearin silk and satin
she can flatten Lord Mountbatten


amended lyric:

"If shes' wearing silk and satin
shes for pettin and for pattin







i

[Monsieur D'Arque]

[kakoforever]

Honk! Original Lyrics: The Elegy

An eerie mood descends the farm
It seems so strangely quiet
The rumour is the cat has had more roughage in his diet
All thought he was an ugly bird it hurts us now to say
that feathers have been sighted in the pussy’s litter tray

Amended Lyrics:

An eerie mood descends the farm
It seems so strangely quiet
The rumour is the cat has had more roughage in his diet
All thought he was an ugly bird it hurts us now to say
that feathers have been sighted in the kitty's litter tray

come on.

[Salome]

once again Kiss Me Kate...


ORIGINAL:
"If she can only talk of clothes
while she powders her
god damned nose!"

amended:

If she only can taLk of clothes
while she powders her
gull darned nose!"

(PLEASE UGH!)

[Monsieur D'Arque]

If my comment about fleem was misunderstood, you haven't seen the Christopher Walken SNL sketch about a high school director doing Grease.

[AllThatJazzHands]

[broadway babii x0]

Les Miserables Chorus Medley:

He slept a summer by my side

He spent a summer by my side

[Joshua]

[Salome]

How do you know Gene Rayburn? youre so young.

[Joshua]

[AllThatJazzHands]

I LOVE Gene Rayburn. Match Game reruns are pretty much the coolest thing EVER.

[Salome]

Anything Goes...original:
Some get a kick from cocaine
i'm sure that if i took even one sniff
that would bore me terriffficly too"

Amended:

"some like the perfumes from spain
if sure that if i took even one whiff
that would bore me
terrifficly too" (What??)

[Mademoiselle Lanoire]

WSS - stage vs movie

Gee, Officer Krupke:

My daddy was a bastard
My mom's an SOB
My grandpa's always plastered
My grandma pushes tea

vs

My daddy beats my mommy
My mommy clobbers me
My grandpa was a commie
My grandma pushes tea

And 'Quintet'

He'll walk in hot and tired - so what?
Don't matter if he's tired, as long as he's hot

vs

He'll walk in hot and tired - poor dear!
Don't matter if he's tired, as long as he's here

[Quique]

Showboat

Cotton Blossom

Original 1927 lyric:

"N*ggers all work on the Mississippi
N*ggers all work while the white folks play"

1936 film version:

"Darkies all work on the Mississippi
Darkies all work while the white folks play"

1993 Hal Prince revival:

"Colored folks work on the Mississippi
Colored folks work while the white folks play"

[Salome]

dont forget

1960s revival

"here we all work on the missisippi"

and the John Raitt studio recording

"People all work on the missisippi"

[Quique]

[Quique]

[UniquePerspective]

[Salome]

but match game ran in the 60s-to earlyb80s. most of you werent born when it was on.

[Joshua]

[Salome]

Game Show Network?

Ohh i didnt know that.
do they show the old hollywood squares with Paul Lynde too?

[UniquePerspective]

Not really.

They haven't aired that in along time.

But yeah, I'm tempted to make a separate match game thread with all the fans it seems to have on here.

[Salome]

they should pput Hollywood Squares on that was the best gameshow of all time
Paul Lynde,Peter marshall,George Gobel,Phyliss Diller,Nipsey Russell..they dont make comics like them anymore.

[EponineMNFF]

[Witches of Oz]

All That Jazz orginal lyrics:
Start the car, I know a whoopee spot,
where the gin is cold but the piano's hot.

All That Jazz elementary school edition:
Start the car, I know a party spot
where the drinks are cold but the piano's hot

Our spring "musical" was called "We Haz Jazz" and was basically just a collection of made-up songs and excerpts of different types of jazz, like swing, the blues, and other stuff. All That Jazz was one of the excerpts for swing that the 8th grade (including me) performed.

[nabla]

What's so bad about whoopee? I never thought that hard about the meaning

Also the word gin is hardly offensive, it exists, get over it. Some directors are so neurotic

[Matthew]

[opheliarose]

When I did Grease:

"Do a split, give a yell, shake a tit for Old Rydell" became
"Do a split, give a yell, pop a zit for Old Rydell."

Yet they left in all period references, all the original lyrics to Greased Lighting, etc.


When DH did Forum

"Women to abuse" in Miles Gloriousus became "Women to amuse."

[Quique]

[opheliarose]

[BroadwayBaby0202]

[opheliarose]

[Salome]

[PappyCat]

[Salome]

Annie Get Your Gun

Original:

But if I shot the Herder
they'd holler Bloody murder!"

Amended:

If I shot teh Herder
Theyd Lock me up for murder!

[BroadwayBaby0202]

[Salome]

you must have done grease Jr.

[BroadwayBaby0202]

Kind of...it was the school edition.

[Mungojerrie_rt]

I wonder how much longer "Go away you B A S T A R D!" will last in the face of political correctness.

[BroadwayBaby0202]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=xjTjTCeHXi8&feature=related

Enough said.

[Eponine_Thénardier_08]

[BroadwayBaby0202]

hahaha, it gets me every time! Love Bamatabois. Definitely laugh-out-loud worthy. Have you seen one of the videos with Marius in it? he's by the far the best part of the production

[psych_out]

[Quique]

[nabla]

[Trevor reincarnate]

[happyguava]

[Salome]