Archive for Musicals.Net Musicals.Net |
| The Duchess of Mint |
OT: Marriage preferences...Dear Musicals.Net Posters,How would you prefer to be married to your future spouse, and why would you prefer to be married in that fashion? Thanks in advance for your participation in the poll, and for your replies. 
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| fjays |
ooh. so many topic, duchess!
i would love to be married in a nice, beautiful garden on a spring day. only a few people though 
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| Orestes Fasting |
I can't get married, you insensitive clod! | ||||||
| Quique |
^ Move to California! 
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| Orestes Fasting |
It ain't marriage 'till you get a break on the federal tax return.
(Or maybe I just want an excuse to demand a CowboyNeal option.) |
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| Nudelkopf |
My physics mentor is going to have to get a mail order American bride if he's going to become a citizen of your beautiful nation.
(Going to join NASA, once he finishes his PhD (again)) |
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| Laura |
I do not see the point of marriage. What is any different about your relationship with a person just because you each have a ring on your left hand that tells society that you are married. What's the point of marrying just to get divorced? And the tradition of marrying isn't even something worth supporting. It has always been a patriarchal thing, and now everyone turns around and announces that it's an individual's own choice. I think life would be easier without marriage. Or men for that matter. And no, I'm not a lesbian | ||||||
| PappyCat |
You know, the idea of marrying someone so that they can get their greencard really appeals to me. (I'm not offering, obviously.) I dunno, as long as I knew the person well and didn't have a significant other, I don't think I'd have a problem helping someone out. (I don't see marriage as a sacred institution.) |
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| Nudelkopf |
And Laura, I'm with you on that. Marriage is such a.. weird.. unnatural concept! Good to see you around, btw! |
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| Laura |
[quote=Nudelkopf]And Laura, I'm with you on that. Marriage is such a.. weird.. unnatural concept! Good to see you around, btw! [/quote]
thanks for backing me up!! from my experience, marriage always ends in tears. So, best not to do it. Like PappyCat, I don't view marriage as a sacred bond - I view it as a stupid societal expectation that is blindly accepted by most people as the true and proper thing to do, without even thinking about what they really want. I tell you what, I've died without MdN. Heaps of factors contributed to me not going on it. I was busy, then my internet crashed, then I had exams, then we went on holidays, now I'm back and loving it!! Ah, nothing like MdN!! |
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| Annie |
Actually, my best friend who is a wonderful and gay guy (21) and I are contemplating getting married. I'm moving to NYC in the fall for school, and I'm a dual American/Canadian citizen, thanks to my dad being from Long Island. So....... if he wants to move down to New York but would have nearly unconquerable trouble trying to get a green card...... |
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| Mademoiselle Lanoire |
"Marriage always ends in tears"?
I have to be blunt here - you really need to get out more. I know literally dozens of people who have been contentedly married for decades. Starting with my parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, and my friends' parents. |
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| JIJane |
Statitically speaking, about half of all marriages end in divorce. Also, many people may stay married but that doesn't mean they are happily married. There are no figures to back up this statement but we all know from experience that there are many couples out there who stay together because it's become what they are used to, for the kids' sake, etc etc.
As you can see in this official statistic link, 49% of all US marriages end in divorce: http://www.aldridgeshs.qld.edu.au/sose/modrespg/families/divorce/Divorce%20Magazine%20World%20Divorce%20Statistics.htm |
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| xoxox89 |
I think it is sad that because people have degraded the sacred & loving bond of marriage it forces some to view marriage as a "stupid societal expectation that is blindly accepted by most people as the true and proper thing to do, without even thinking about what they really want."
My husband & I went beyond that unfortunate perspective and made sure it was really what we wanted. We spent 5 years courting and not rushing into marriage. We have an amazing relationship - he is my best friend, my mentor, a great lover, a great father. We share a trust and respect for each other and are always there. There is happiness available if you are willing to do the work. And having a true life mate with a sacred bond - there is nothing better. I am so proud to be a wife - not just a girlfriend. I feel the biggest problem with todays society is that too many people get married because they are frivolous with thier sexual desires & end up in a mess or they get married as a fad. Too many people don't realize what it truely means to be married. We teach students safe sex & about sexually transmitted desease - maybe they should be taught what marriage really is - and I dont mean in a biblical way so please don't go off on me there - but what a covenat means. |
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| Mademoiselle Lanoire |
I highly doubt unmarried couples fare all that better. To me, marriage, by putting an obstacle in the way of separating, is probably better for a relationship than staying legally single. | ||||||
| JIJane |
Interesting discussion and great points made. However, the idea of "putting an obstacle in the way of separating" (even though it sounds good) wouldn't necessarily have the same meaning in practical life. For as we have seen, the marriage bond (sadly) rarely stops adultery for example for those who really want to persue that path. I would agree that people have become less willing to sort out differences and stick to a decision but on the other hand, modern culture has also given women more opportunities to leave emotionally and physically damaging marriages without being spurned by society or left penniless in the gutter. | ||||||
| Mademoiselle Lanoire |
I don't claim it stops adultery, any more than I claim it stops domestic abuse, addictions, or other problems.
My claim is that it's an obstacle to breaking up, and that can help in some scenarios. |
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| Set_Buildin_Dad |
Marriage is all about love, commitment, compromise and keeping promisses. A good marriage has all these elements and can last for a very long time, preferably for life. It has also been shown, time and time again that stable two parent homes are the best environment for raising children.
When I talk about the kind of love that is involved in a marriage I am not talking about an infatuation that is merely a physical attraction. We all have many of those in our lives. These attractions are fun when you are young, but are insufficient to base a marriage on. The type of love I'm talking about is when you find a person that is your spiritual soul mate. Your life goals, your philosophies, and your dreams all line up, and yes, there is also a physical attraction. Love has sometimes been called a friendship that catches on fire. Many people today are afraid of commitment, or they are unable to fulfill a commitment they've made. Without this element a marriage is doomed. During a lifetime there will always be conflicts. Without commitment many couples will abandon their vows. Truly commited couples work through the issues and their bond is strengthened in the long run because of the effort they put in. Marriage is something you need to constantly work at. Nothing of value in life comes for free. As I said above, issues will always arise in the course of a life long relationship. If both parties are unwilling to compromise then the relationship is doomed to fail. Compromise means that you don't get your ego so wrapped up in your position on the issue, that you lose something of yourself if you back down. Your partner has needs, wants and desires that may at times differ from yours. If you truly love your partner you will want to see them happy, and that will make compromising easier. The inability to keep promisses has probably destroyed more marriages that any other thing I can think of right now. It breaks down trust, and trust is one of the foundations of any relationship, especially marriage. Promisses come in many forms, from the marriage vows you take to a promise to pick up the kids after work. Obviously, the bigger the promise that is broken, the greater the hurt is that you will cause your partner. Adultury falls into this category - it is the breaking of a very big promise. One way I have explained my aversion to trysts after marriage is that momentary thrill of the tryst is not worth the risk to the lifestyle I've built over decades and the harm that it could cause my loved ones. Until a person is mature enough to commit to these values they have no business getting married. Maturity comes at different ages to different people - some never do get there. Marriage also isn't for everyone. My marriage is strong, stable , and happy. It is the foundation of my life. I would wish you all the same contentment in your own lives. |
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| JIJane |
Very well said, if only more people were like you!
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| DaddyDiesel |
I agree with alot of things SBD has said. I will add one of the biggest reasons marriage fails is not because of the tradition of marriage, But because of the people entering into it. I have seen very successful mariages and a lot of divorces in my life. The people who have a successful mariage are people that take time to find what they are looking for. Settling is the biggest problem in marriage. Ihad one friend tell me at his bachelor party that he is marrying his wife because they have been togethor for so long and he couldnt imagine anything better. Most people see that as a good thing. But it isnt what you should marry for. Just because he couldnt imagine anything better doesnt mean it doesnt exsist. You should be marry becuase theer is no doubt in your mind that you want to be with that person. NOT ONE!
Theother problem that marriage faces is wanting to have a wedding. So many people dream about getting married because of the wedding alone. I blame women for this more than men. But men somtimes dwell on that too. Overall I dont think its the tradition that has ruined marriage its the people who enter into. |
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| sopranodespair |
I don't believe in marriage. You probably think that I'm a kid with divorced parents now, but that's not true, my parents are happily married still. I just think it's an outdated concept and unnecessary. I want to have a partner, but I could do without the marriage part.
Please don't insult me about this. I often get told how weird I am and get made fun of for it. So please respect my opinion as I never say anything to those who want to get married. |
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| jazzygirlsings |
I was reading a book on Buddhism and it was talking about the state of Heaven/Rapture and how it applies to romantic relationships...See if you agree:
“The desire for romantic love is so strong in our society that it could be seen as having displaced religion as the main source of spiritual fulfillment and, indeed, almost displaced it as the means to personal salvation. “Saved by the love of a good woman” may be a cliché but, in many instances, it is only the love of another person, man or woman, that gives some people a sense of worth or any meaning to their lives. This way of thinking, however, also leads to the expectation that one’s partner will- nay SHOULD-make one truly happy. This puts an intolerable strain on many relationships, as it is unrealistic to demand that one’s partner provide a continuous supply of Rapture when permanence and stability are the very qualities the world of Rapture simply does not possess. Perhaps this is the one reason why so many marriages break down these days”…. I totally agree with this. I think people don't know what true happiness is in your own life, so they try to find it from someone else. It should be two truly happy individuals coming together to enhance each other's happiness. My last relationship was sad because he was expecting a constant supply of rapture and I lost myself trying to give it to him. At the end of the day, WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN HAPPINESS. At this point, I'm not sure what I think of marriage... |
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| Set_Buildin_Dad |
I don't think you're weird, and I would never insult you about your opinions. As I said in my post, marriage is not for everyone and only you know what is in your own heart. We all make choices in our lives about how we want to live. Marriage is one of those choices. My point was that if you make that choice the decision needs to be carefully considered, and that to make the decision successful, you need to be commited to the values that make a marriage work. You may also change you mind about what you want as you grow older and your goals in life change. I know that my life's ambitions changed a tremendous amount from the time I was in high school until I finally became established in a career. |
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| Pannic |
I don't think I can possibly see myself getting married. | ||||||
| kozafluitmusique |
If God calls me to be married, which I don't think he is right now, I'd preferred to marry in the Church.
Although I think he's calling me to become a nun, especially after the dream I had this morning... |
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| mastachen |
It's honestly not that hard to get a green card/citizenship. I detest people who try to cheat the system, mostly because I went through the entire naturalization process myself when I was in first grade. And honestly, if a first grader could do it with parents who still can't hold a decent conversation in English with elementary school students, then Canadians and Australians can certainly do it without having to cheat. It's almost as bad as illegal immigrants driving to the US to have kids just so their kids could be US citizens. I wonder if the people who don't want to get married feel that way because being married is something that is harder to get out of. I'm not trying to offend here, but is it possible some people feel it's easier to quit on a relationship if they weren't married as opposed to if they were? Financially, to me, it's more beneficial by far to be married, what with tax breaks and everything. And no Laura, people don't get married just to get divorced. Nobody spends hundreds or thousands of dollars on a wedding thinking that they'll end it at the smallest sign of trouble. I come from a big family of almost 20 pairs of aunts and uncles and not one of them have gotten divorced; neither have my parents, or the parents of any of my close friends, so to generalize that all marraiges end in disaster is flat out wrong. My grandmother was married to my grandfather for sixty-two years before he died back in February. For the last 8 years of his life, my grandfather was hospitalized and essentially a vegetable. Every day for 8 years, my grandmother would visit him at 8am and then at 6pm to see him, bring him music, take care of him, even though my grandfather couldn't talk or respond or even open his eyes. The only time she ever took a break was to come to the US to attend my cousin's marraige (and they're still together after 3 years). |
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| mezzo_soprano |
That is so sweet and touching. You grandmother sounds like a wonderful woman and your grandfather must have been just as wonderful. |
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| Nudelkopf |
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| Laura |
I did say, "from my experience", which is absolutely true. My parents participated in an incredibly ugly divorce in which my father was incredibly abusive toward my mother and myself both before and after the divorce. My mother is remarried to a total nutcase who verbally abuses her, and her strength and independence has been taken from her. My father's second wife got pregnant to another man and then committed suicide My grapndaprents constantly argue All of my aunties and uncles have divorced or are in hopelessly miserable marriages My first and only boyfriend tried to have sex with me and then I didn't want to (I was 15 at the time and I'm now 16), and I still think sex is gross. So, no. I don't want to get married and yes, in my experience, marriage and other men have caused me pain. I hope that one day I will meet someone and they can change my mind, but right now I am totally happy being a strong, independent woman and am not putting marriage on the agenda of my life for a very long time!! |
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| happyguava |
Outdoors all the way. With nature. Amongst the trees.
... of course I can't legally get married. |
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| JIJane |
Laura - internet board is the wrong place to go into detail but - it does get better. I felt similarly to you at 16 until I was about 23 (am now 27)...you learn to distance yourself from your past and incidents that have clouded your rational thought process. And you start to realise - you can create a different future and break the behaviour pattern you grew up with and that there are some decent people out there if you search to find them. It just takes time for your brain to process all that information and yes, some people never move on but if you want to - you will be able to one day. *hugs* | ||||||
| blackbird_fly |
I voted church, but then I changed my mind. Now I want a garden ceremony.
Assuming I want to get married when I'm older, because most of the marriages I've seen lose their spark after the first kid or two, which makes me sad. |
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| mastachen |
Way to misquote me! 
It's a process that requires a lot of patience. And once you can get into the US (legally), there's only a miniscule chance that the US will kick you out if you're in the middle of the naturalization process ~ like only if you go out and commit a heinous crime or something. It's not hard to get here and get established. I'm pretty sure almost none of my physics professors are American citizens. |
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| Orestes Fasting |
My parents are both immigration lawyers, and I used to help my mom out with her business and listen to her venting when her job became hell. I'm glad you got lucky in the naturalization process, but it's amazing how much of the process hangs on the whims of petty bureaucrats with power complexes who can arbitrarily crush people's hopes because they're in a bad mood. And if you want petty and vindictive, one of her clients, an athlete, was paralyzed three years ago, two years after getting his green card. Someone at the CIS dug through the five-year-old files on him, revoked his green card because his injury prevented him from doing the job he got in with, and got him deported. |
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| JIJane |
Take it from someone who has researched this intently - it's very hard to get a green card. An actor friend of mine has an agent in LA and has lived there for a year now...and still can't get one. He has some sort of special visa but it means he can't be in American Equity and also can only work limited hours. It's tough. | ||||||
| jcstar |
I'm not sure if I want to get married. I like how Gene Simmons talks about the concept of getting married and the institution of marriage. He makes a lot of good points.
And he's been with Shannon Tweed for 20 years, at least. But my dream wedding would take place in a shopping mall on top of an escalator. Andy. |
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| Nudelkopf |
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