How the "other half" does bachelorette parties?

jazzygirlsings · How the "other half" does bachelorette parties?

My older sister is getting married...First of all, we're not very close, but have been trying to repair our relationship...Secondly, she makes LOADS of money in the pharmaceutical industry.

I received this email regarding her bachelorette party and I have to say, as a "struggling actor", it made me laugh my butt off! My little sister, who graduates from college in a few weeks, is basically in the same situation financially...and yes...she laughed, too:

Hello ladies,

As I'm sure most of you know, Lisa is engaged and she is planning her wedding which will take place in Oct '07. For those of you that don't know me my name is Veronica, I live in Chicago and Lisa and I are old friends. I am planning a bachelorette weekend for her. Since all her friends and family are scattered we are thinking of going to one of the Caribbean islands. I'm trying to get a head count of who would be interested in joining us. We are looking at going mid May, probably to St Thomas at the Sapphire beach resort. When I have a better idea of who is coming I will send another e-mail with more details. I know it would mean a lot to Lisa to have all of you there. Feel free to call me with any questions or suggestions.

See you on the beach,

Veronica

BTW...most of her friends are making TONS of money as well...

So...as Lisa's family members, how do we tell Veronica that it's completely out of the question for us to be able to do that?

And also, my older sister lives in CA now and if we're all scattered, wouldn't it be more reasonable to have something like this in a centrally located area...like Chicago? I mean, my sis has to travel all the way to the Caribbean to get there...

I just don't want to do any more damage to our relationship and I want to show her that I'm making an effort to be part of this whole thing...

What do you guys think I should do?

And do you think this is a normal situation for a bachelorette party? (Most of my friends aren't married/planning to get married, so I don't really "get" how that all works...)

Any insight would be appreciated...sorry for the rant! Smile

LisaKitty

Wow! I wish this could be a "normal" bachelorette party in my life, but alas, not so much. I know the getaway weekends are becoming more popular, but as you put it, not everyone has that kind of money, nor that kind of ability to get away.

My bachelorette party was a night on the town in Downtown Seattle with a few girlfriends. We went bar hopping, and ended up at a private goth club where one of my bridesmaids was a member. I think this is more typical than a Carribean weekend.

Anyway, as far as telling your sister, I'd say just be honest. You want to be there for her, but simply can't afford this planned weekend.

Maybe you could plan a low-key, family-oriented bridal shower for her that is closer to your home? Or some activity for you and your sisters to share right before the wedding? Something that is within your budget, but shows her that you want to be supportive of her marriage and wedding activities.

jazzygirlsings

Yeah, I thought those destination things were a bit much...If I recall, the only bachelorette parties I've been to have been at local bars/clubs...

I just feel weird because there's literally no regard for the people on the other end of the financial spectrum (coughs...me and my little sis)...To be honest, it makes me a little angry...should I bother my older sister with this or should I address the problem to Veronica, since it's her "brilliant" idea?

Thanks SO MUCH for the help!

Jazz

itsaboutonemoment

Veronica may not even realize she's alienating you. I realize I don't know the whole situation, but I don't think she's sitting at home saying, "Hmmmm... I'm gonna screw over the bride's two younger sisters by putting together this amazing vacation/party." Like you said, she makes a lot of money, and all their friends make a lot of money, so this kind of thing is second nature to them and they probably just went ahead and did it without thinking about others. I honestly don't think they were doing it to intentionally make you and your sister feel bad.

The best thing to do is RSVP by saying thank you so much, what a wonderful idea, but unfortunately, I'm not in a secure enough financial place to afford an outing like this at this time. I wish I could, but it's just no possible. Then, maybe say you'd like to send a gift along, so that your presense is there in a way, and I think the idea of having something between just the three of you sisters is an excellent idea. Go ahead and talk to your sister as well and say, you know what, we (you and your younger sister) just can't afford that, but we would like to do something special for you at a later time. And then maybe the week of the wedding, you have a night where you just sit around, paint each other's nails, and be together. Or, you can take her out to dinner, have a "sister bonding" night. I think it's the way to go.

And I'm sorry to hear that you've had problems with your relationship in the past, but I'm VERY happy to hear that you have been working on fixing that. I don't know where I'd be in life without my sister.

Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you Violet!! I promise you if I win the lottery, I will give you the money to go! Wink

opheliarose

Hi Jazzy!

I think the big desination things are silly, myself. Thats what the honeymoon is for, people.

For my "bachelorette" my bridesmaids and I just went out for a few drinks after one of my showers (I had two- LONG story). I was sort of partied out by then...

But then, I wear enough funny looking outfits onstage, I didn't feel the need to wear a TP hat Mr. Green

(I did, however, wear a tiara)

I hereby virtually retro-active invite you to my low-key bachelorette party!

jazzygirlsings

Guys, you're the best! Seriously!

Thanks for making me feel better, Daisy! Smile

I hope you don't mind me cutting and pasting some of your exact words into my reply email!

And I just got some lucky numbers you can use from a fortune cookie...22,34 and 18...GOOD LUCK! Wink

And I totally agree with you, Opheliarose! I virtually accept your virtual invitation to your virtual low-key bachelorette party! I thought that was what bachelorette parties were for, anyway...yours sounds the way that I thought MOST of them should be!

itsaboutonemoment

Please, I'm HONORED that you would want to use my words. I have to admit, my parents are amazing on "what the hell do i say here" kind of stuff, so I'v gone to them over the years for practically everything, and it's finally starting to rub off on me!! Smile

Let me know if there's anything else I can do! Smile

Salome

you should ask your sister's rich freinds to pay for your way! lol

DaddyDiesel

Well there is a conundrum. I feel your pain. I have frou brothers and 2 sisters all my bros are older. I have a pretty good relationship with mostof myy bros but one. And I had a very interesting problem with him. He had a bachelor party and none of the Brothers were invited. JUst him and his wifes friends. she is kind of a crazy biotch who is tearring are family apart. But besides that. I didnt want to bring it up but I finnally did after I got upset about somthing else. After I did there were more complaints from the rest of my family about the party. He didnt know that there would be so much discontent over it. He appologised. Everything was fine untill his biotch wife wife entered the fray. I dont like her. Anyway to make a long story short.

Overall: You need to bring it up to our sister. Family is Family. I know since this is such an elaborate bacholerette party there are going to be plenty more with your opinion. Communication is Key with family. No Rhyme intended.

opheliarose

Yay! Virtual bachelorette party! Applause

You might want to start bringing up costs now, anyway. If this is what is planned for the bachelorette, the dresses are going to be REALLY expensive if you're a bridesmaid! Not to mention all the presents...

jazzygirlsings

Her "present" is that I'm even able to afford to get my butt out there at all! LOL! Besides...what do you get the rich girl who has everything?

And Diesel, thanks for your story...it helps a lot...more than you probably know! LOL!

And I totally agree, Ophelia...people should really start thinking about costs of this, but at the same time-they're all making 6 figures a year...

And I talked to my Mom about it...she felt pretty badly as well...

MsDivaKate

At least you were invited at all.

Two of my college sorority sisters, whom I was extremely close to, neglected to even invite me to their bachelorette parties/weddings because I "no longer lived in the area" and they "didn't think I'd want to travel". Bitches. lol

That is pretty crappy of them to have the bachelorette party like that.

jazzygirlsings

That is pretty bad, Kate...How stupid to assume...

But I'm supposed to be in the wedding party...both my lil' sis' and I have been automatically excluded because of finances...

Maybe we should make them all pool their frequent flyer miles! LOL! Wink

Maybe it's for the better anyway...when my older sister gets drunk, she just tells me how much Mom and Dad love me more than her and she tells me why she hates me...

So yeah...maybe it's better! LOL!

itsaboutonemoment

Dearest Violet,

That's it! We are having our own bachelorette party and we are going to go out and drink and pretend one of us is a bride and your little sister is coming and then we're going to pop popcorn and paint each other's nails and watch all those chick flick movies and have an even better time than any silly trip to any silly island. Do you realize what happens on islands? You get sunburned and stung by jellyfish and you get voted off!!! There's no voting off from OUR island!!!!!!! So there!!!

Daisy

Jenem

Hey Jazzy,

My bf is going through the same thing; his best friend is getting married in the Bahamas, and all of his other friends are loaded, so it was no biggie for them to say yes. My BF has decided relunctantly to go, which is ok since he does okay financially. I however, will not be attending, since it is a fortune and artsy-fartsy me has chosen instead to put the little money I make back into my young business.

Anyway, if I were you, I would just be honest about it, say its not a good time for you financially, but you would of course love to attend. And I wouldn't feel badly about it either. They know that its a stretch— its written in the invite. And any decision that is too difficult to make should usually be walked away from IMO. Plus, it sounds like you've already made up your mind that not going is the right answer.

Splurge on a really nice gift to compensate, I guess, and don't make a big deal of not going, as it will likely add fuel to the fire between you and your sis.

jazzygirlsings

^Yeah...that's great advice. Thanks!

And Violet, I say we should do that! It sounds like fun! Smile

Maybe we can all be faux brides! LOL!

jazzygirlsings	How the "other half" does bachelorette parties? My older sister is getting married...First of all, we're not very close, but have been trying to repair our relationship...Secondly, she makes LOADS of money in the pharmaceutical industry. I received this email regarding her bachelorette party and I have to say, as a "struggling actor", it made me laugh my butt off! My little sister, who graduates from college in a few weeks, is basically in the same situation financially...and yes...she laughed, too: Hello ladies, As I'm sure most of you know, Lisa is engaged and she is planning her wedding which will take place in Oct '07. For those of you that don't know me my name is Veronica, I live in Chicago and Lisa and I are old friends. I am planning a bachelorette weekend for her. Since all her friends and family are scattered we are thinking of going to one of the Caribbean islands. I'm trying to get a head count of who would be interested in joining us. We are looking at going mid May, probably to St Thomas at the Sapphire beach resort. When I have a better idea of who is coming I will send another e-mail with more details. I know it would mean a lot to Lisa to have all of you there. Feel free to call me with any questions or suggestions. See you on the beach, Veronica BTW...most of her friends are making TONS of money as well... So...as Lisa's family members, how do we tell Veronica that it's completely out of the question for us to be able to do that? And also, my older sister lives in CA now and if we're all scattered, wouldn't it be more reasonable to have something like this in a centrally located area...like Chicago? I mean, my sis has to travel all the way to the Caribbean to get there... I just don't want to do any more damage to our relationship and I want to show her that I'm making an effort to be part of this whole thing... What do you guys think I should do? And do you think this is a normal situation for a bachelorette party? (Most of my friends aren't married/planning to get married, so I don't really "get" how that all works...) Any insight would be appreciated...sorry for the rant!
LisaKitty	Wow! I wish this could be a "normal" bachelorette party in my life, but alas, not so much. I know the getaway weekends are becoming more popular, but as you put it, not everyone has that kind of money, nor that kind of ability to get away. My bachelorette party was a night on the town in Downtown Seattle with a few girlfriends. We went bar hopping, and ended up at a private goth club where one of my bridesmaids was a member. I think this is more typical than a Carribean weekend. Anyway, as far as telling your sister, I'd say just be honest. You want to be there for her, but simply can't afford this planned weekend. Maybe you could plan a low-key, family-oriented bridal shower for her that is closer to your home? Or some activity for you and your sisters to share right before the wedding? Something that is within your budget, but shows her that you want to be supportive of her marriage and wedding activities.
jazzygirlsings	Yeah, I thought those destination things were a bit much...If I recall, the only bachelorette parties I've been to have been at local bars/clubs... I just feel weird because there's literally no regard for the people on the other end of the financial spectrum (coughs...me and my little sis)...To be honest, it makes me a little angry...should I bother my older sister with this or should I address the problem to Veronica, since it's her "brilliant" idea? Thanks SO MUCH for the help! Jazz
itsaboutonemoment	Veronica may not even realize she's alienating you. I realize I don't know the whole situation, but I don't think she's sitting at home saying, "Hmmmm... I'm gonna screw over the bride's two younger sisters by putting together this amazing vacation/party." Like you said, she makes a lot of money, and all their friends make a lot of money, so this kind of thing is second nature to them and they probably just went ahead and did it without thinking about others. I honestly don't think they were doing it to intentionally make you and your sister feel bad. The best thing to do is RSVP by saying thank you so much, what a wonderful idea, but unfortunately, I'm not in a secure enough financial place to afford an outing like this at this time. I wish I could, but it's just no possible. Then, maybe say you'd like to send a gift along, so that your presense is there in a way, and I think the idea of having something between just the three of you sisters is an excellent idea. Go ahead and talk to your sister as well and say, you know what, we (you and your younger sister) just can't afford that, but we would like to do something special for you at a later time. And then maybe the week of the wedding, you have a night where you just sit around, paint each other's nails, and be together. Or, you can take her out to dinner, have a "sister bonding" night. I think it's the way to go. And I'm sorry to hear that you've had problems with your relationship in the past, but I'm VERY happy to hear that you have been working on fixing that. I don't know where I'd be in life without my sister. Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you Violet!! I promise you if I win the lottery, I will give you the money to go!
opheliarose	Hi Jazzy! I think the big desination things are silly, myself. Thats what the honeymoon is for, people. For my "bachelorette" my bridesmaids and I just went out for a few drinks after one of my showers (I had two- LONG story). I was sort of partied out by then... But then, I wear enough funny looking outfits onstage, I didn't feel the need to wear a TP hat (I did, however, wear a tiara) I hereby virtually retro-active invite you to my low-key bachelorette party!
jazzygirlsings	Guys, you're the best! Seriously! Thanks for making me feel better, Daisy! I hope you don't mind me cutting and pasting some of your exact words into my reply email! And I just got some lucky numbers you can use from a fortune cookie...22,34 and 18...GOOD LUCK! And I totally agree with you, Opheliarose! I virtually accept your virtual invitation to your virtual low-key bachelorette party! I thought that was what bachelorette parties were for, anyway...yours sounds the way that I thought MOST of them should be!
itsaboutonemoment	Please, I'm HONORED that you would want to use my words. I have to admit, my parents are amazing on "what the hell do i say here" kind of stuff, so I'v gone to them over the years for practically everything, and it's finally starting to rub off on me!! Let me know if there's anything else I can do!
Salome	you should ask your sister's rich freinds to pay for your way! lol
DaddyDiesel	Well there is a conundrum. I feel your pain. I have frou brothers and 2 sisters all my bros are older. I have a pretty good relationship with mostof myy bros but one. And I had a very interesting problem with him. He had a bachelor party and none of the Brothers were invited. JUst him and his wifes friends. she is kind of a crazy biotch who is tearring are family apart. But besides that. I didnt want to bring it up but I finnally did after I got upset about somthing else. After I did there were more complaints from the rest of my family about the party. He didnt know that there would be so much discontent over it. He appologised. Everything was fine untill his biotch wife wife entered the fray. I dont like her. Anyway to make a long story short. Overall: You need to bring it up to our sister. Family is Family. I know since this is such an elaborate bacholerette party there are going to be plenty more with your opinion. Communication is Key with family. No Rhyme intended.
opheliarose	Yay! Virtual bachelorette party! You might want to start bringing up costs now, anyway. If this is what is planned for the bachelorette, the dresses are going to be REALLY expensive if you're a bridesmaid! Not to mention all the presents...
jazzygirlsings	Her "present" is that I'm even able to afford to get my butt out there at all! LOL! Besides...what do you get the rich girl who has everything? And Diesel, thanks for your story...it helps a lot...more than you probably know! LOL! And I totally agree, Ophelia...people should really start thinking about costs of this, but at the same time-they're all making 6 figures a year... And I talked to my Mom about it...she felt pretty badly as well...
MsDivaKate	At least you were invited at all. Two of my college sorority sisters, whom I was extremely close to, neglected to even invite me to their bachelorette parties/weddings because I "no longer lived in the area" and they "didn't think I'd want to travel". Bitches. lol That is pretty crappy of them to have the bachelorette party like that.
jazzygirlsings	That is pretty bad, Kate...How stupid to assume... But I'm supposed to be in the wedding party...both my lil' sis' and I have been automatically excluded because of finances... Maybe we should make them all pool their frequent flyer miles! LOL! Maybe it's for the better anyway...when my older sister gets drunk, she just tells me how much Mom and Dad love me more than her and she tells me why she hates me... So yeah...maybe it's better! LOL!
itsaboutonemoment	Dearest Violet, That's it! We are having our own bachelorette party and we are going to go out and drink and pretend one of us is a bride and your little sister is coming and then we're going to pop popcorn and paint each other's nails and watch all those chick flick movies and have an even better time than any silly trip to any silly island. Do you realize what happens on islands? You get sunburned and stung by jellyfish and you get voted off!!! There's no voting off from OUR island!!!!!!! So there!!! Daisy
Jenem	Hey Jazzy, My bf is going through the same thing; his best friend is getting married in the Bahamas, and all of his other friends are loaded, so it was no biggie for them to say yes. My BF has decided relunctantly to go, which is ok since he does okay financially. I however, will not be attending, since it is a fortune and artsy-fartsy me has chosen instead to put the little money I make back into my young business. Anyway, if I were you, I would just be honest about it, say its not a good time for you financially, but you would of course love to attend. And I wouldn't feel badly about it either. They know that its a stretch— its written in the invite. And any decision that is too difficult to make should usually be walked away from IMO. Plus, it sounds like you've already made up your mind that not going is the right answer. Splurge on a really nice gift to compensate, I guess, and don't make a big deal of not going, as it will likely add fuel to the fire between you and your sis.
jazzygirlsings	^Yeah...that's great advice. Thanks! And Violet, I say we should do that! It sounds like fun! Maybe we can all be faux brides! LOL!

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How the "other half" does bachelorette parties?