[random_person]

*Cue feeble smattering of applause*

Ok, some of you may remember this little thread from a short while back:

http://musicals.net/forums/viewtopic.php?p=1159478

After extensive planning (if a few exchanges on MdN Private Messaging counts as that...), here it is!

Because at present this is simply words and I cannot really show you the compositional ideas in my head until the music is actually done and recorded, I have written extra information to help you to envision the scene. If you can't find a beat, I suppose you can always envision it as an acted-out piece of poetry or something.

Before we begin, I'd like to give my thanks to Nick (Felix Felicis), Beagle and Gwen for being willing to read through this prior to public display - it's very much appreciated.

Now, being the first lyric I've ever produced outside of the whole rapper business, I'm obviously somewhat intimidated by the prospect of picing my work apart. I ultimately can't stop you from giving harsh criticism, but try to be somewhat constructive and nice if something doesn't take your fancy. Go on - I honestly think I can take it like a man.

*...runs down into reinforced concrete bunker in full protective gear, slamming heavy metal door behind me*


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Title: Enlightening Night

Premise: A married couple with children file for divorce after experiencing an irreversible breakdown in the relationship. The man feels as though his wife has exploited him for personal gain throughout their relationship.

Musical shape: Melancholic lament

Scene: The man sits alone at his dining room table deep in the night with a glass and wine bottle, drinking at sporadic moments. The only light source in the room is the fireplace, upon which lie several framed family photographs, with others mounted decoratively along the wall.

Intended mood: Starts off quietly confident, if melancholic, as the man assures himself that he can cope with the situation. The verse ends in a more pensive fashion as gazing at the photographs on the mantelpiece causes him to recollect.

There’s no need to play
Some favourite song
No need to hear sung words of comfort
To guide me along
I don’t need some friend
To stretch out his hand
Politely inviting me out
*Chuckle* …but isn’t it grand?
I’ll be alone
Sat back on my chair
My thoughts make good small talk enough
I quietly stare
At photos of us from the moments I trusted you so

Intended mood: Follows atmosphere of previous verse, only with an air of doubt creeping in as the character begins to question the authenticity of his wife’s relationship with him

But I’m not the same
Naive fool as then
As time passes, wine glasses empty and fill up again
Remember you claimed
That we’d stay together
You’d be at my shoulder
Each day we grew older
So, tell me – behind
The smile in your eyes
Was there silent laughter
At how I was always at your beck and call?
A dog to his master?

Scene: The man rises from his chair and begins to pace along the room. He casually studies the photographs on the wall with a clear expression of resentment, clutching his glass all the while.

Intended mood: The man’s feeling of being manipulated manifests in a sardonic bitterness. His previously passive ‘I don’t need you, I can get through this alone’ form of criticism becomes directly disdainful for the first time.

Of course that was it
You’d treat me so dearly
A pet to parade for your friends
That’s all I was really
I’d do all I could
To make you feel happy
Paid your bills, moved you up to this house in the hills
…thought you’d trapped me
Behind all your bars
Of emotional blackmail
Every dishonest promise, each breakdown
Here’s a ship that’s sailed!

Scene: Having walked the length of the table down the room, he stops in front of the fireplace solemnly. While staring, one particular photo upon the mantelpiece catches his eye and he slowly reaches for it. It is a shot of him and his wife in an exotic location, both smiling happily. Grasping it in his hands, his mood of loathing starts to alleviate as he enters a brighter trail of thought in his reflection.

Do you remember
That moment we shared?
That mountain – was out on our honeymoon
We stood to stare
Out at the sunset
Your hair lightly blowing
I brushed it aside from your eyes
Was though they were glowing
Those skies seemed on fire
My hands cupped your face
Then I drew in, it was bliss
In that sunlit embrace

Scene: The man’s angered expression gradually returns and he furiously slams the photo face-down. He tears himself away from the mantelpiece and walks with powerful, calculated strides towards the audience.

Intended mood: In response to this brief spike of affection, the man shoves it aside in defiance, refusing to let himself succumb to the lull of recalling the happier times or to acknowledge that he may still feel ties of love to her. In other words, this is it; this is the emotional climax of the entire piece.

No!
I won’t fall for that!
I’ve made that mistake
I won’t break
I won’t come crawling back!
I’m free at last!
My will has grown stronger
This ring on my finger can’t hold sway any longer!
There no outer bounds
To where I can go now
May have wounded my pride
But inside I survived
Guess you know now
My spirit’s not broken
Can rise up above you!
But tell me, Oh Lord
Why in spite of it all, I-

Intended mood: Once the drive of all-out resistance has finally hit its peak, the man’s flared temper subsides into a moment of clarity. In that brief moment, he acknowledges with hollowing soberness that even with his strong desire for retribution, there’s still an element of care to his feelings, however small it may be.



_____________________________________________________________


And there we go. Any helpful advice in your comments will be warmly welcomed.

[RED15]

Awesome job Danny, really powerful words and emotion!

[Gwen]

I'd give you more advice than I gave before, but the only problem I thought I saw with it beyond that was the obvious rhyming such as break and mistake. But I think it you can make it work because something I've noticed is that the same rhymes are used really often, so it doesn't depend on what rhymes you use--it depends where it is in the context.

I will say the first time I read it I heard music to it in my head.

[random_person]

[Felix Felicis]

Well I enjoyed, it but you know that.
I'd be very interested in hearing what kind of music you have in mind for it - can you name any song that you imagine it sounding like?

[random_person]